One Thousand Gifts

My Dearest sweet Amanda... I still struggle with my loss of being separated from you for now. It feels as if I live in a country where the language is so hard to learn and I am failing miserably! But I am still trying... Some days are good and I manage real well, some days not so well but I try. I love this picture of you holding your sweet baby brother! You had such a tight hold on him, you were so excited when you found out that you would be a sister and when you finally got to see him...you loved him from the moment you set eyes on him. He is now almost 31 and doing so well, you would be proud of the man he turned out to be... I am. I can remember this day as if it was yesterday! I remember the touch of your hand, the feel of your huggs the sweet feeling your smile gave to my heart and the joyous sound that your laughter gave to my soul. My baby girl... I miss you with all I have. I love you baby girl

~ Having a deep desire to become pregnant with you

~ And then succeeding

~ Not knowing if you would be a boy or girl

~ Then finding out

~ Being terrified to take you home

~ Then learning that I am actually capable to care, protect, nurture and love you beyond belief

~ Feeling that my love for you could not possible be bigger than the un-measurable size it is

~ Learning that this love has no bounds

~ Experiencing life through your eyes all over again

~ But this time the pleasure is bigger watching through your excitement

~ Seeing you love your brother

~ And watching him love you back

~ Helping you learn

~ Watching you figure it out yourself

~ The tight squeezing huggs you gave to me

~ The feel of your tiny arms around my neck

~ Watching you grow and become a woman

~ Being so proud of that woman

~ The unfaltering love you have for me

~ The smile that lit up the world

~ Having people comment on your sweet spirit

~ The closeness we shared

~ The laughter we shared

~ The piece of my soul you became

~ Feeling like I could lay down and die at any moment for you

~ The realization that I could not

#  368 Having you as my daughter, my friend, my baby girl even if for a short time... I miss you so much baby girl...... Sigh*

Inspired by this lovely lady

Comments

  1. Oh I'm so sorry for the loss of your sweet sweet daughter. Sending you love + prayers x

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    Replies
    1. Thank you Jandi, My sweet Mandy passed five years ago in May but my heart knows no time xxxx

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  2. And what precious memories you have x

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  3. Oh Eva, such beautiful and emotional thoughts........our hearts know what it is to love and then break into a thousand pieces.......but having that chance to love at all is what I am thankful for......one day our beautiful daughters will be in our arms again and we will see that they are doing fine and at that moment our hearts will be healed.
    Sending you lots of love today. Xxxxx

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thank you! Bron, I am so happy to have had her at all... and looking forward to the day we do meet! xxxx

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